Written by F. JUSTIN HALL
*Freestyling this first day in November...
At this moment, someone is going through something. Yes, at some level we all are going through something so let me be more specific.
At this moment someone is going through something alone. They have no friends or they are at that place where they might have friends, but their friends are at a distance.
That's their problem or that's their fault, some might argue. But is it? What happened to that individual to prevent them from letting people get too close to them?
Someone just found out that they tested positive, and I am not solely referring to one's HIV status, but that someone tested positive for something and are going at it alone.
Someone is in abusive relationship, and let us keep in mind that abuse is not limited to physical abuse, and that person, for whatever reason, is going at it alone.
I have my own problems, one might argue. There is a saying: If one person is not free then we are all not free.
I made it through and my problems are, by far, worse than that person's problems. Is it? Is there some ruler to gauge who has the worst life and/or whose childhood was bad? Each of us are individuals living our lives -- and that is the thing we are each living OUR LIVES -- and what I may be going through may not be as bad as the next person, but guess the fuck what? It's bad for me, as this is my reality.
But, its temporary? Yeah, thats true as here I am. 2007 and I got through it, but there are those of us who feel imprisoned by their past, so to them it's far from temporary.
You look around your classroom; you look around the crowded subway, bus, el train; you look around at other people and you truly look at them and wonder what they are going through. Yeah, on the outside they may be all smiles, but their insides are all torn up.
Isn't it something that we are each unique and that there is no one like else, and you reach a point where you embrace your individuality, but also see that we are all so much alike.
I sit here imagining that somewhere someone is sitting in their apartment alone.
Some of us have the luxury of having friends call, but someone out there has no one and that is sad. Maybe not sad to that individual, but its sad to me.
We all need somebody. Granted there is a fine line between needing and wanting, but for the most part we need somebody. I remember in high school (doesn't it all go back to high school?...lol) where notes were passed between a fellow classmate and myself, and she stated that as long as you have one friend that is enough.
Ain't that the truth! To simply have one friend, one amigo, one ace boon coon, one homie (do they still say that?...lol), is a beautiful thing, but somewhere someone does not even have that.
I have been and am continued to be blessed to have and have had some amazing people I call friends in my life.
Who took me to my first club when I turned 21? Who did I tell when I tested positive for HIV? Who was there when a bullet pierced my cheek? Who was there to offer lodging when I came to visit them? Who accepts me as I am outside of family origin?...and thats just some of them (smile).
Although at this moment I am going through something alone I am blessed to have people in my life where it only takes a phone call, email, plane/bus/train ride, but as I write this I see the bigger picture that even though I am going at it alone those who love and care for me are in it as well, so I am never alone in the physical sense.
I also have God.
In this life I conduct science projects on myself, which puts me in situations so as to better understand someone along with myself and other things (smile). But for me its only temporary as I am well aware of my reality and that insight is truly enlightening.
Going at it alone is not my reality, but possibly to the guy sitting next to me on the J train it is his reality.
Here is that thing called choice (smile), but thats another freestyling moment...
Have a month that has you smiling and that brings you to a place of wholeness.
F. Justin Hall is a writer who can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.